Another old blog…
i sometimes can’t understand why one thing has to be released before another thing can be grasped. i’m reminded of animal planet when they showed the one about the best way to capture monkeys…put something shiny in a hole that’s big enough for the monkey to get his hand into, but not big enough for him to make a fist and pull it out. when the monkey grabs onto the object, his hand is entirely too big to pull back through the hole with the object in his grasp. instead of letting go, he hangs onto it and wears himself out trying to free himself AND the object. he is later captured and killed because of his refusal to let go of a thing. the shiny object first cost him his freedom, and then his life.
i’ve always said that i didn’t want to be like that monkey, but recently, i’ve kinda been feeling the monkey’s pain.
new life is my home. it has been my home since 1991. it’s the place where i’m comfortable. it’s the place that i’m accepted and (hopefully) loved. some of the greatest days of my life i’ve experienced at new life…like my wedding day. some of the hardest days of my life i’ve experienced at new life…we won’t talk about those. my whole life has been wrapped around loving God and serving Him at this church. rarely has a day passed for the past 18 years that i’ve not thought about the church, the ministry that i was involved in at the time or the people of new life. and now the time has come that i must open my hand and release this body to Him.
like the monkey, i’ve thought, “maybe if i just hold on a little longer, i’ll figure out a way to hang on to new life and still move forward into my future.” but, God doesn’t work like that. i’ve come to discover that life with Him is lived in chapters. there is no way to start a new chapter without ending the one that you’re on. i’ve never been one of those people that read the last page of the book first. i’ve never bought cliff notes for any book that i was assigned to read. i always wanted to know the story, from the beginning to the end. i didn’t want to read the end and then have to guess about what was in the middle. funny, i’m not too keen on living my life that way. i’d rather fastforward to the end and skip all of the “letting go’s” at the end of each chapter.
but for some reason, God is all about the process. He stands right at the end of every chapter of my life with His hand open to receive the thing that i’ve grabbed on to and want to bring into my future. He asks me to trust Him. is He trustworthy? absolutely. does that make it easy? not at all. but knowing that He is in control does keep me from losing my mind sometimes… : )